On Cherry Poppin’ and Unprotected Sex.

On Cherry Poppin’ and Unprotected Sex.

small disclaimer: please, to whomever reads this post, please feel free to express yourself in the comments. I like learning new stuff and hearing different opinions. (I’m assuming we’re all adults here and know how to give opinions without being jerks about it.)
And yes. I know. I fucked up.

Well, since I was raised in a (very) religious family, I’ll quickly explain what my mother, grandmother, grandfather, aunts, uncles (…) told me:

The woman he marries must be a virgin” Leviticus 21:13

Oh, you wanted more Bible verses given to me by my family? Hahah, nope. That was it. That was the only line that they told me. They also said “your body is a temple. Don’t let anyone ruin it”.
And yes, of course there are many other verses that talk about promiscuity and sexual immorality, but hey. Those are quite ambiguous terms… Which I will discuss some other day, or I will probably never get to the point of this blog post. (Got serious issues with getting to the point).

Just an FYI

According to Oxford’s dictionary:
<<Promiscuous
adjective,
Having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships.
2 Demonstrating or implying an unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual.
    2.1 Consisting of a wide range of different things.>>

<<Immorality
noun,
1 The state or quality or being immoral. Wickedness.>>

Moving Forward (Fucking finally)

I was told plenty of times that if I ever let a guy touch me before marriage, I’d lose my value as a woman… and maybe even as a person…That I’d never get in heaven because that would make me a whore.
As I started to grow up, it seemed more as… the other way around. Like, if no-one wanted to be with me because I was this “pure” girl.

Well… Today a bought a pregnancy test.
I lost my virginity with my current boyfriend, 3 years ago. It was awkward -for both of us. Then it became great.
Let me emphasize it:

Great.

We’ve done it. In many places. Some that at the moment seemed as the best idea ever, and now it’s a bit embarrassing to remember.
We’ve done it, with and without my period…
And yes, with and without… uhm… you know… condoms.
Here’s a few links explaining our… not very correct… methods.

  1. Planned Parenthood
  2. Bed Sider
  3. Kids Health
  4. wikiHow

Always. wear. contraception. 

Always.

Don’t be immature pieces of shit that think that are inmune to getting STD’s or pregnant.
THINK about the possible consequences.
When we did those idiot methods, we didn’t get very nervous when I had small delays (my period wasn’t yet “stable”, and… we we´re –are– morons). So, I literally overdosed myself with vitamin C, and shoved my vagina with herbs to induce my period. (I’m sure it worked because of something called FUCKING LUCK).

A month ago, we had unprotected sex (surprise, surprise), and then waited for my perioud to come (now it’s more “stable”)… Two days delayed, three… four…
Seven… we didn’t tell anyone.
Luckily, he was calm. He said that whatever happened, we’d be in it together.
We got a pregnancy test.
Negative.

Two weeks, three weeks… Four… Still no period.
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck, fuuuck, fuck.
I didn’t tell him. I didn’t want to freak him out.

Mom… Uhm, yeah, hi?
I just got another pregnancy test. I’m scared… 

Her first question: –WHAT DO YOU MEAN “ANOTHER”?!?!
Second question: –How did it go? Do you want me to come and get you?

No mom, I’m still working. Thanks. Love you.

I grabbed my phone, sent my boy a message…
My period never came after the day we got the test done. I just had myself another one… Just wanted you to know that there is a slight possibility I have something wrong in my ovaries… We need to start being responsible and buy condoms. Like, for real.

Dudes. Always wear a condom. Always make sure that you have a condom. WEAR A CONDOM. Get INFORMED by what being an idiot can do to you and your partner.

Girls… it is true that our bodies are temples. TAKE CARE OF IT for heaven’s sake.

 

 

 

Wtf is going on in my head?

Have you ever just gotten up, and just think “fuck. Why the heck am I not dead?”I’m almost 19, and am medicated for my depression. Still trying to figure out the root of the problem… and also trying to cope with the constant suicidal and “not good enough” thoughts.

I get up, take a shower, go to work, smoke a few cigarettes, go home and sleep. Over and over again. 
I’m numb, or maybe i feel everything too deeply. It depends on the day. 

I used to go to the extremes. Either I was super sad, suicidal and just wanted to disappear, or just didn’t feel anything at all. Thanks to meds, i have small lapses where i genuinely laugh, or feel something other than just deep desperation to get out of this body.
When I tell someone I feel bad, I’m always asked “how come? You seem so happy!”

You get to a point it comes out naturally, and even though you’re thinking “i want to jump off a bridge”, your face says “the sun is shining, the sky is beautiful, i love everything and everyone”
Is it normal to be on a bus and think on ways how everything can go wrong and everyone dies? And somehow that gives you… peace?

Is it normal to think about death, and dying, and being totally ok with it??
Nope.

I’m back

I’m back

I remember starting this blog when I was 16 years old. I wrote 3 posts, and then disappeared.

I thought that my opinions were utterly important, utterly unique. I thought that I was one of those “special snowflakes”, that I was “deeplymisunderstood”… when actually I was just another moody teenager.

I was simply just another brat. Oh well… I actually thought I was different, but in 2 years I discovered so many things, that made me realize I was a bit wrong.

Last year I turned 18, graduated high school and got a technical degree. I’m now a software development technician (hurray!). I got drunk many, many times (even ended up at a hospital), tried spinning fire, started to hula hoop… i guess all oh those things are experiences worth telling, right?

So here I am. Back again. Ready to finally be consistent and responsible, and write my teenage and young adult experiences… so you, readers (younger and older than me), can be part of my self discovery journey.

So, hi. I’m Adriana. 

The world through my lens

The world through my lens

No, I’m no photographer. At least not a professional one (I barely go like an amateur one), but I still enjoy taking pictures though.

Green's a pretty nice color, don't you think?
Green’s a pretty nice color, don’t you think?

I like to take pictures occasionally, and there’s not really an intention in them. I just like to capture whatever looks pretty or fun at the moment

Clouds are magnificent.
Clouds are magnificent.

I really enjoy taking pictures…taking them, not being in them

Did you know I use my grandfather's glasses?
Did you know I use my grandfather’s glasses?

The thing about taking pictures is that people can see the world the way I do

Light and Dark
Light and Dark

Taking pictures is great because every frame is different, and unique.
I get to capture anything I want, and show how I feel -happy, disturbed, lonely…

Dead pink flower
Dead pink flower

As I said before, I enjoy taking pictures.
I’m not a professional at it, and I don’t have a real pro camera (i’m saving money for one though)
I’m still learning, and have a long way to go so I can someday get amazing photographies…
But for now, here’s my attempt to show you the world through my lenses

Oh, and, I like trees
Oh, and, here’s a tree

A New Beginning.

Tomorrow is my first day of school.
Eleventh grade, (kind of a big deal)
I’m hyped and terrified.
So, be expecting weekly posts about school stuff and such…
Sorry I haven’t posted anything at all, I’ve been getting my books, and notebooks, pencils, uniforms and all… Quite a busy month, to be honest, so I haven’t had time at all to think and write, I barely have used the computer
It’s 23:25 pm, February the 1st, and I am not tired yet…
Really doubt I’ll be getting some sleep tonight, and have to get up at 4 in the morning ’cause, honestly? I take a long time getting up… I have this weird ritual that consists in literally begging to who-knows-what for inspiration and willing to be a civilized human for the day, nagging, and the usual “uuuggghhh but the bed is so comfy, whyyy do I have to get out and leaaarrrnnn???!!!!”, then take a 30 minute shower, and put on a shit ton of eyeliner…
This year, I’ve decided I’d comb my hair for a change, so my “girly” classmates wouldn’t nag and tell me stuff I really don’t care and have no idea of how to tell them in a nice, human, sensitive way…
Some days, I have no desire of acting as a “normal” human, so I practically stay all day in bed, without taking a shower, and just travel from my room to the kitchen to get some milk from the fridge and drink it straight out of the carton… feminine, yeah, yeah… whatever.
Ugh, eleventh grade…
Good thing? I’m getting chemistry and biology classes!!! (Ooohhh yeah!!! SO HYPED!)
Also, I’ll get to see my boy (hurray:3 and it’s almost valentines day!! Hurray!!!! Our first valentines♥)
My goals this school period?? Well, I’ll actually try to achieve the goals I’ve set on previous years…
You know, being that straight A student… kind of have to this year so I can get to a good college… ugh, scary, I know
I am a good student, really, I really am… it’s just that after a few months, I get exhausted of everything, it all loses sense and I just stop giving any ducks… so, there’s my small issue…
Oh well, not this year.
Eleventh grade, here I come
Classmates, here I come.
This year, will be a new year.
It will be a good year.
At least, better than the last ones.

My Brain, My Universe. This, is Me.

My Brain, My Universe. This, is Me.

Yes, I’m relatively young and have ideas and thoughts that are a bit eccentric … My hormones, for reasons of my age, are a bit unsteady, and I can be truly immature.

My own family says I have thoughts that “I shouldn’t have” because I’m “challenging a Higher Being” or because “I’m too young to understand certain things.”

I tell you, I’m 16 years old, and this is probably why many people don’t take me seriously… but let me show you the world from the perspective of weird-socially awkward teenage girl, with a different point of view on several topics…

I’m opening this blog to share my thoughts. With an audience that does not judge strange, different things, though all criticism is more than welcome.

I curse occasionally, so I apologize in advance. I will not give cheap excuses for the reason I do it… I know it’s wrong and rude, and will do my best not to do it very often so I won’t offend anyone.

I was born in 1998, so I am 16 (in a couple of months 17) years old. I have no experience in life because of my short time in this world.

I love reading, and I am an eternal lover of art (in fact, I have attempted to make my own “work” -walls, canvas, paper and cardboard, and desire to one day be good enough to live by selling my “artwork”.)

I have a strange fascination for the world and the cosmos. I adore quantum and theoretical physics, mathematical physics, nuclear physics and astrophysics (but many people believe I’m just kidding). I love to know the reason of things, and it frustrates me to not know an answer.

With logic problems at school, I am unfortunately a disgrace, and I know I need to improve that area.

I have an ability with languages, I learn pretty fast compared to others my age.

I am moderately quiet and patient. I usually keep quiet when I’m “offended” or something like that … but like all things and people, I have my limit and I can throw back the stone in a slightly stronger intensity (sorry, though.)

Animals are so cute. And I’m terrified of insects… (Excluding fleas, small black ants and a small green worm, whose name is unknown for me.) I am one of those people who scream and cry for you to move away an insect from sight (twice the intensity with beetles, and triple the intensity with spiders.)

I hate school but try to put an effort. Teachers have described me as a “brilliant” mind, but I lose motivation out of nowhere.

I am studying software development, and I must say that programming is extremely stressful and frustrating … But when something compiles, the feeling of accomplishment and happiness is beautiful * chuckles *

I cannot speak in public. I just can’t.

I’m no athlete, but when I’m angry, furious, like the highest form of rage, a couple of hours in the gym does no harm (Adrenaline, ladies and gentlemen … Adrenaline)

I don’t usually say what I think, unless someone asks me.

And I can sometimes sound very, very rude (and it is not my intention … I don’t realize how rude I can be; but when I do, I immediately apologize and try to say it again but in a more human way)

I hope that over time, you can see I’m quite interesting…

I usually have eccentric ideas and thoughts … Bizarre theories of the world and situations… Many people disagree with me and my opinions. My hormones are insane, because of my age. And I agree, I can be very ignorant and immature.

I am a teenager, and I probably won’t be taken seriously … I beg you a chance.

This is my brain, my mind…My own universe.

This is me.