Sweet irony 

Sweet irony 

Disclaimer: Karma is a bitch.

You’re complaining about the same things I complain. Difference? You’re 47, but you’re acting like a teenager -I am a teenager. (19… still counts as teen -technically a young adult, but you get the point). Oh, and grandma? She’s 75 and suffers dementia.

You’re going through your second divorce now. You married another aggressive piece of shit who never treated you as a girlfriend/wife/human, and who had again the enough balls to be unfaithful to you countless times, call you names, harrass and control you for 5 whole years. Despite the warnings your own mother, brother, and daughter gave you.

Two times, the same thing. Let’s not count your ex boyfriends… but you blame them. You blame all men, instead of blaming your inability to recognize a good from a bad man. 

You complain about your mom not understanding or supporting you. You complain about her asking you for money for some extra support, and that all she thinks about is making you feel bad about yourself. You complain about her criticizing everything you do. 

How many times have you downgraded me? Want me to remember the night you called me a whore? Want me to remind you when you said you wished you had an abortion, or left me with my dad? Want me to remind you how you stated I’m useless and can’t do shit in life? Or the time you kicked me out of my house, and then called me on New Years saying you were going to kill yourself if I didn’t come back?

But hey, everyone but you is a bad person. You’re the only one with problems. You have so many problems, you explode on your own daughter and use her as your sand bag. And when she says to please stop, now she’s the enemy too.

You say grandma is going to die alone… and that you’re afraid of ending up the same. She won’t die alone, don’t worry about her.

The only one that will die alone is you, because you can’t chose correctly who to be with, you push your own family away, and blame anyone else but yourself.

Dead Fly

Dead Fly

Disclaimer: This is a rant – and the title has absolutely nothing to do with the content

I’m in the middle of collapsing. I’m not sure if I’m crazy and just overreacting about dumb things that shouldn’t actually affect me.

I’m afraid of being alone. And I’m afraid of leaving everything behind and not get anything better. I’m afraid I’m taking things for granted, or maybe that I’m just putting them all on an altar and think that if I loose them, I’ll lose everything and everyone and even myself.

Maybe I have already lost myself?

Why don’t I trust anyone? Why can’t I trust I won’t be left alone or betrayed?

Not all men are the same -or so they all say.

Why can’t I even trust myself? Why do I just constantly doubt myself and capabilities? Why am I so afraid of my surroundings?

I’m not that stupid, nor unable to make something out of my life… right?

Im worthy of being loved, and going out, and doing normal people’s stuff. I’m worthy of having friends, and going out from time to time to drink (responsibly) and smoke with friends -not just get drunk at home until I fall asleep with tears soaking my pillow -unnecessary info? Ugh.

I hate who I am, and I’m not sure who I’ll become… 

Wait -who am I?

Shit.

Uber Ride Anecdotes (Part 1)

Uber Ride Anecdotes (Part 1)

I use Uber. A lot. I literally take an Uber for like 1km that I could perfectly walk. You’re welcome, Uber… You’re very, very, welcome.

Disclaimer:
This is not a post to trash the agency. I actually enjoy the service they provide, and the fact that it is a very easy way to meet new people is awesome -specially for a person that has a bit of a hard time socializing, like me! Nevertheless, I do believe it would be a far more entertaining post if I write about “strange experiences”, than just “I just had the most pleasant ride from point A to point B. The guy gave me a mint and a bottle of water, and remained quiet the entire ride”

I will not provide the names of the drivers – that would be rude. (And illegal)


12/29/2016, 8:18 am. “Why are you ignoring me?”

Backstory: I was going to a job interview. I was blonde at the time. It was, overall, a nice conversation. He asked me were I was going, I explained to an interview, he wished me the best of luck.
 
“Even though, a beautiful blond girl like you doesn’t really need luck. You seem smart, and anyone would be lucky to have you as a co-worker… or lover” -heh, great. Awesome.
I had a candy -from mexico, called “Gloria” (best candy EVER), and gave it to him as a thank you courtesy  for his ride. He thanked, smiled, and left.
He then later started to text me -all day long. I decided to just not answer… he later asked me why was I ignoring him… If he “misread any signal” I gave him
Dude, I just gave you a goat’s milk candy. Back off.

 

2/8/2017 7:40 pm. Valentine’s advice.

“Do you have a boyfriend, young lady?”
-yes, since almost 3 years ago haha
“Well, for Valentine’s day, I’m taking my wife to a motel. There is a very nice one near where I just picked you up. It has a pole in the middle of the room. It’s a whole new experience. Think about it… It spices up the relationship.”

Thank you sir. Thank you…
(I just gave my boyfriend a box full of chocolates -which ended up in my stomach because I got my period)

 

4/7/2017 10:01 pm. Long Distance Relationship

“I have a Mexican girlfriend. I’ve never met her in real life though… We just write to each other by whatsapp. But since my wife left me, she’s the only person that has made me actually smile”

4/18/2017 6:45 pm. “Marihuana is bad”

Backstory: A few guys got intoxicated with k2 in a bar. So, my uber driver thought it was a great way to teach me a lesson about drugs, being young and experimentation.

“Marihuana? MARIHUANA???? GOD FORBID!!! I would never even dare to smoke that shit. My ride is coke. But marihuana? that’s just plain wrong.”

I have a bunch of more stories, but lets leave that for another time, eh?

Untitled

Untitled

I hope this post is a short… tomorrow I gotta work, and don’t have much time to stay awake.

When you love someone -when you really, really, love someone, the thing you want more is for them to be happy. You try to do anything possible, to get a smile out of that person… and when you see that person (friend, family or significant other) struggling with anything, it also seems to hurt you. So since right now I feel absolutely powerless, and your response to when I asked if you were ok and needed anything was “fuck off”, I decided to vent out another way.

I’m a pusher. I have issues making friends, I have issues keeping them, and I have issues expressing myself to them (I always tend to push everyone away, no fucks given). I have hurt many people, and always had trouble when trusting someone -even my own family, until I found you (lol, too cheesy, sorry)

You see, you’ve been there for so long. You’ve taken care of me countless ways -given me hope, advice, support. You’ve been the only person that has seen me cry for hours, and know how to calm me down. You’re the only person that is not afraid to stand up to me when I’m losing my mind, and you have earned my respect for that and I look up to you for knowing always what to do. You’re the first person I go to, to give good -and bad, news. You’re my confident, my one and only best friend. Regardless of anything, you’ve always been there. You’ve stopped me from killing myself, helped me overcome my self harm issues, fed me when I’ve refused to eat… you’ve been my rock.

You’ve always been strong, and yes, you have your lows, and you always overcome your circumstances. I’ve seen you grow, I’ve seen you mature… And I’ve noticed your change. You now drink more, smoke more, have more issues with your anger, and are a bit more quiet than usual -even your eyes have changed… I ask you what’s wrong, you tell me to fuck off. I know something’s wrong. I’m not stupid. I see you. We’ve known each other for years, c’mon.

Your house has changed, everything is different, everything feels tense… everyone tries to smile, but they all seem dead. Your mother is weirder, your oldest sister is angrier than usual, your middle sister seems to never be at home no more, your cousin is more douchey than what he normally is… and your dad? He’s …distant.

And yes, it hurts me to see that. I lived with you, they became my family too, you know? I felt actually at home. Now? Now everything feels… strange.

I don’t care about the details, I don’t care about what is going on. But I do care about your wellbeing, and I refuse to leave. I respect if you don’t want to talk about it, and I will not insist. But you got to know this: I will not leave you alone. I will be the same strength you’ve been for me. I’ll keep stroking your hair, hugging you and kissing your forehead. I’ll keep telling you that you’re appreciated and loved -by a lot of people. I’ll keep watching you play video games and asking stupid questions like “what is the objective in FIFA?” and “can’t you customize the main character?”, and listening to your stories about the dumb people at work. I’ll keep helping you whenever you’re too drunk to even breathe. And I’ll do my best to be the same support you’ve been to me.

You don’t have to talk to me, you don’t have to cry on my shoulder and scream. I will not leave you alone, don’t you try to push me away. So just know that I am here for you. 

How to waste your paycheck in less than 24 hours 

How to waste your paycheck in less than 24 hours 

If you want to see my rant before I got paid, check my last post. If not, continue reading.

How to waste your paycheck in less than 24 hours

  • Wait for your payday

This means: work your ass off until you get paid.

  • Buy a New Nintendo 3Ds

Buy a $230 electronic device that you will use to deprive yourself from social interaction… the same as you do when putting on headphones to listen to music, or read your favorite book or manga.

  • Buy a smoothie

Because hey, gurl. You diserve a piña colada smoothie without alcohol. You got yelled at today for having a slight latin accent in a call. Go get that smoothie, it will be alright. It will all be alright.

  • Go to the doctor

Check your ovaries that want to murder you. Get some prescription birthcontrol pills that will help you get rid of your stones, acne and regulate your irregular monthly hemorrhage.

Payroll (a small rant)

Payroll (a small rant)

I work at a company that disburses money to banks on a certain date, so a client pays their bank on time.

My company should do the same, when its about paying us… the employees.

They should do the same gosh darn thing, and pay us when were told we’re getting paid. Things like this only show irresponsibility and low appreciation towars us, the workers that make your company the “good” company we are.

If you want us to be nice and happy, treat us how we deserve to be treated. I find it quite disrespectful that last time you payed us a few hours late (which we forgave because at least you payed us before the end of the day), and now you say that we’re not getting paid today because of some unknown issue???

This, is just a slap in the face, from you to us, and a huge “fuck you, employees.”

Fuck us, if we have our own health and financial issues and need the goshdarn fucking money.

Oh, but there is nothing to worry about… in the next days we may get an “Apology letter and a how that is not going to happen again”

Well… you know what?? Screw the letter. Make it a paper ball and shove it up your asses

I don’t want a goddamn letter.

I want my money.

I want my goddamn fucking money to pay the ginecologist I was supposed to see today to know why the fuck my ovaries are hurting so much.

But hey, payroll, it’s not like you had a fucking bleeding vagina that made you screech and cry out of pain. 

Hight thoughts ft. My period

Hight thoughts ft. My period

Small disclaimer: yes, i sometimes smoke weed. And yes, my period is here. And yes, today I smoked weed to relieve the excruciating pain I was going through at that moment.

  • Where are my ruffles?!?!
  • I have a favorite direction. Not sure which one it is. Need to buy a compass. Need. To. Buy. Compass.
  • Tostitos. I like tostitos. I want tostitos.
  • Luke is so soft. He’s a good boy. I like my luke. I hope Lulu stops growling at him.
  • Im starving… could eat an entire chocolate cake.
  • Why is it so easy to space out??? What does spacing out mean????
  • I like silence. I hear everything.
  • Should i say something to my Uber driver, or is silence more comfortable??
  • I’ll stick to silence and give him a 5 star review… yeah
  • A beer sounds nice.
  • My ovaries hurt
  • Cotton mouth cotton mouth cotton mouuuth
  • My biggest fear is someone smelling my period… is it possible???
  • I want a hug, a kiss and a mug with hot cocoa
  • Water. Need water.
  • Oh god, I’m here. Act normal. Breathe. Say hello.
  • Go to bed. Go to bed. Go to bed.
  • Uh! Chocolates! I love my boyfriend.
  • Water. Water. Wateeeeerrrr